I can honestly say that this week has been incredibly rough; I have been sick, and I am still not back to being 100%. I think this week was the only week to be grateful I wasn't selected by one of the roles I'd submitted for; there would have been no way I could've worked on a set somewhere. Needless to say I'm now on the road to recovery, but being sick can sometimes bring you down emotionally and mentally. I have had too much time on my hands to think the worst, and become the enemy again.
You might think that I'm all sunshine and rainbows 24-7, but in all actuality, I am not; I am only human. I hurt myself more than anything, and I allow myself to go into a mental black hole that seems to suck all the positivity right out of me. Although it may also put things into perspective if you choose to make light of the mental situation you may find yourself in. I try so hard to not allow my self-doubt monster to take over, but it's so damn hard when the rest of your body isn't in the best shape to do simple things like going on a walk, or even focus on reading a book.
The hardest part of pulling yourself back from the darkness is slaying the monster. It can be done, but not without some hard work. I try to think of why I'm doing what I do. I recall how much I love it, and I hang on to that with everything I've got. No matter what you think the darkness isn't a symbiotic relationship you want to have. You won't become a superhero, and there's no way out once you accept it. Only the positive forces can help you defeat the darkness. And once you have won, place that trophy on the mantle as a reminder of your achievement.
I always find myself contemplating the near future, especially when it comes to Dream Big. What will come of it when the 100th arrives? Whether it is a simple column, or an episode I will not know until it gets here. What would you all like to see happen? Should I keep going until my dreams all come true, or should I give up if I've not achieved all my goals by then? These are the questions that have been haunting my waking hours, and have riddled my sleep with nightmares. The only answer I've been able to come up with is this: I'll know what to do when the time comes. I have a feeling deep down in my gut that the fates won't let me down. I believe all things happen for a reason, and I have to keep moving forward on my journey to find out exactly what that will be.
No matter how much the darkness wants to be your friend, it is in fact your worst enemy. Fight the urge to become a host with no name, find the strength to be your own hero, and always dream big.