It was another late night, way past my normal bedtime. I'm sitting alone in a well lit room looking out the window into pitch-blackness. The night-creatures are buzzing, chirping, croaking, fluttering about, and flashing their signals for attention. If you listen closely it's like an orchestra warming up for the symphony. I resume my focus and remember why I'm still awake and not already asleep in my what could be comfy, (if I bought a new mattress) for a bed. But I'm not, I'm patiently waiting for my comforter to dry before I can crawl under it. So while I wait I'm writing this column for next Monday's Dream Big.
I rest my head in my hand that's propped up on my elbow, and occasionally my head slips right out of it. I don't even realize how tired I am until my eyelids are sticking to my eyeballs, it's that awful feeling of being heavy and if I just let them rest for a few minutes I'll be ok. But it's not, and I'm going to either make myself try to stay awake, or I'm going to bed. Of course I'd prefer to go on to bed. But who will finish writing my column? I have a brilliant answer for that-I will finish it tomorrow.
Three days later I'm able to get back to writing this column, and I have five days until Monday to post.
This week so far has been jam packed with all kinds of things to do and places to go. I'm sitting here baffled that I had a free moment to be able to sit still long enough to write this column. But when you are a mom with big dreams you do tend to get sidetracked with work and domestic duties. I am however grateful for the little time I have to sit down and do something I'm truly in love with. Writing has always been my first passion, reading was the first in actuality, but it did inspire me to become a writer. If someone would have told me even just fifteen years ago I was going to be a writer for a column about chasing my dreams, and interviewing others about theirs I would have laughed at them.
Now perhaps if I could only stop looking at Facebook long enough to finish writing this column, I might get it done. I had an ooh shiny moment. That's what happens when I don't pay attention to what I'm doing. I am easily distracted by my thoughts most of the time. I don't daydream per say, but I do tend to wonder off from the task at hand. Sometimes I honestly start thinking about what else I could or should be doing. Sometimes I just have a small case of writers block, and I'll sit for a few moments to ponder what to write next. And or dose off while pondering. But it felt so good to close my eyes for a few minutes.
Several hours have passed since I had taken that thirty minute cat-nap.
It was time to make supper for the kids and I felt better after my short nap. I suppose it was my body's natural way of letting me know that I needed more sleep. I definitely know that I don't. However, which mom out there does? When you're busy with life, who has time for sleep? I know I don't. But I'll sleep when I'm dead.
I'm sitting here trying to write this column and all I can think about is the future. What will happen next? Right now I stand at a crossroads in my life. I have four choices of a dirt road with nothing as far as the eye can see. You can't see to the left or right, and you can't see what's in front of you, and the road that you followed up to this point vanished as soon as you turned around. And all that's left standing in the center is between everything you'd ever hoped for; even though you can't see it, it's there. The real question is, which way should you go?
I'm going to leave things as they are for tonight, perhaps tomorrow I can make that decision with a well rested mind.
Today marks yet another day, and I'm now four days to post.
I did my usual start to my day, got up, dressed, and took my kids to school. After sitting in the parent loop wondering why people were letting their kids out at the wrong spot my kids were like, "Mom just pass them already," so I did and let them out at the appropriate drop off point. I told them to have a good day, and as I pulled away out of the parking lot was the start of my 'mommy time'. I went to the same walking park I always go to and parked. I plugged in my headphones and decided rock was on the menu. Today was going to be my speed walking day and the music was perfectly inspiring.
When you're lost in the moment and you have the pace set it does get annoying when you find yourself caught behind the person in front of you going at a much slower pace. So in order to pass them I had to walk a little bit faster. Now I'm not sure what happens when I get into my zone, but it's pretty awesome. The music keeps me moving and the lyrics help me think, but sometimes I need to ignore the voices in my head. Stress can either be a downer, or it can be a powerful motivator, and if you keep the negativity away you are more open to change how you can turn it into positivity.
I walked five miles under a cloudy sky. By the time I was nearing the end of my fifth mile it had started to rain. It was not a hard rain, but a softer springlike sprinkle so I didn't mind walking in it, especially since it was rather muggy out. It was nice actually. When I finished my walk and returned to my vehicle I had the sense of accomplishment. It was yet another day I walked five miles. I did this in two hours and it felt great. Sometimes even the smallest goals can add up to bigger things later.
Later today, after collecting children from school, I had to turn right back around a few hours later to go to the open house, and after they ate supper.
I find humor in the fact that it's taken me almost a week to write this column. I'm starting to wonder if it will in fact be finished in time. And from the looks of it so far it's almost like a diary for the week. Lol. But honestly I may start doing one like this every so often. Perhaps if I can create a more interesting concept of it anyway. I think I'm all over the place this week because I'm going through a sort of displacement. I'm sure it happens to everyone at some point or another. Now if you'll excuse me it's time to get kids ready for bath and bed.
Dream Big deadline is tomorrow. It's been a few days since I've had a chance to sit down and work on this column.
The full moon eclipse in Aquarius has been interesting nonetheless, but with the sun sign in Leo and Mercury retrograde almost upon us, it has not been an easy week at all. I've had a lot going on and I'm amazed I've survived. There have been a few changes in my life, but I'm hoping it will aid me on my journey, and benefit my family as well. The next coming weeks will prove whether the right decisions were made. I'm looking forward to the near future and have no fear as to what lies ahead.
No matter where my journey takes me I will embrace change, look fear in the eye, live each day to the fullest, and always dream big.