In life there are daily reminders of why we do what we do. But when do we draw the line if what we do is helpful or harmful? I ask myself this question every day when I wake up in the morning.
I look at myself in the mirror. Sometimes I see the person that others do. Most of the time I only see who I want to be. And then I hate the person that has to struggle to be seen. Other times I just hope that I can pull myself together.
It seems no matter how hard I try to make my dreams happen I feel guilty. My family has made several sacrifices already so I can do what I need to. But where do I need to draw the line? How will I know when to quit or to keep going?
I have a lot of myself that I'm willing to give up to make what I want to do happen. I have the heart to win and the stamina to keep fighting. And in my heart I know I have the power to make things happen. At least that's what I keep telling myself.
At night when I lay down to sleep and close my eyes I replay the events that have led me to this very instant. And in the darkness I have seen my failures but I have also seen where I've succeeded. Both are balanced on the scale of life. Both are the remnants of a bet I placed on the wheel of luck. But is my fate already set in motion, or do I still have a chance to change it?
When Pandora's box was opened and all of the sorrows were let out there was nothing left so it seemed. I feel as though I have opened that very box. My life has been full of pain and sorrows so much so that I don't believe there's anything left but despair.
Through the tears I see a light. A light that has begun to shine through the cracks of the box. I wipe my face curious as to what it is that I'm drawn to. Fear keeps me from opening it again. I'm afraid of what else could possibly come out to hurt me. But the light only keeps on getting brighter. My hands are shaking upon touching the box, but I can't help fight the urge to open it.
All the light seemed to rush me at once. But then it was gone just as quickly as it came out. When I looked inside to see what else could be left I saw it. The only thing that was at the bottom of the box began to warm my heart once again. All of the pain and the sorrows were replaced with the only thing left I had. Hope.
Life is a chain of events that oftentimes we cannot control no matter how hard we try. We become helpless and are left with only fear and despair. Our struggles are met with loss. But we still carry that hope with us that we will make it. I have found hope in the bottom of that box. And even at my weakest when I have felt it's nearing my final hours I cling to what little hope I have left to pull myself from the brink of my last breath.
To lose hope is to lose yourself. I remind myself everyday when I look in that mirror who I am and what I'm fighting for. I've closed the box locking away all of my pain and sorrows. Hope is all I have left that gets me through each day. And each day I remind myself to keep looking ahead, and dream big.
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!