There comes a time in ones life that is the defining factor when it comes to change. It is one of the most frightening things that we as human beings can experience. We either look forward to it, or we run from it. Change however can be a very positive way of letting go the things in life that hold us back. We cannot move on if we're held down by our fears, the past, or even the unknown future.
I personally have come to the point of crossing over to the next cycle of my life. I'm not leaving everything to chance, but I am dealing out all of my cards to see which hand plays out. If I'm not modeling, I'm submitting images from previous photo shoots, if I'm not submitting, I'm trying to get others to submit for a magazine I'm freelancing for. When I'm not doing any of those things then I'm writing. I write freelance articles for magazines, I write my column for others who look for hope, and I write everything else for myself. I am not paid for my work, my art, my words, or my talent at all. I do what I do for the love of the game, but I still want to win after all.
I walk a thin line between accomplishment and failure. I'm teetering with nothing but faith in my efforts to not fall down. If I falter I lose everything I've worked so hard to build. If I keep my head up, my eyes looking forward and keep walking to the end of the wire I will achieve my first step on the right path. The path that's right for me. I have many I call my inspirations, but I don't want to be them. I have many that I admire, but I don't want to copy them. I do look to them in awe that if I work as hard as they did, without giving up, no matter how hard that they've wanted to, only then can I say I want to do what they did. They stayed their course, sometimes making stops for life's little pitfalls, but they resume direction and keep moving on. I will continue to keep moving and I won't look back.
Change will be painful. I can feel it in my bones like a pending storm. The aches give away the potential for possible damages to come. It scares me to death even thinking about losing it all. But what is it that I'll be losing? I don't know, I haven't come to the right answer to the equation. All I know is that this chapter is going to be bumpy as I ride the pages being flipped over to the next story.
As I come to the next stage of my life I am reminded that it is with good reason. I can't very well move on to the good stuff if I'm stuck with the same old stale crumbs that are left behind to follow. I must pick up the pieces and throw them away. Scatter them into the wind never looking to where they go. Because it doesn't matter where they go. They are the past. I used to think that I have to finish what I've started, but I've gained the knowledge that it doesn't have to be that way. I have the power to take charge of my fate, I am the one in control of my destiny.
Patience is a virtue that is wasted on the jaded. I am but a lonely whore in a world of virgins who have yet to feel the cold hard penetration of life. What I lack in faith of a dying religion I make up for with the experience of seeing beyond spirituality. I am no longer a slave to conformity and I will rise above all else freeing myself from the chains of society.
I don't know where the cards will fall, where my path will take me, or if I will beat destiny at her own game. All I know is that I will rise from the ashes like a Phoenix, and my flames will burn as bright as the sun. I may not have it easy, I may not get what I want, but I will give it all I have until I have nothing left to give.
Change I will, and big dreams will come.