A reflection can sometimes be a window to the past. As we gaze at our image we notice perhaps a new blemish if we are young, or if we are older we may notice other things such as a new grey hair or wrinkle. Our futures are as wide open, as the skies the limit, but if we have already taken a step further down the road we begin to feel we're running out of time.
As I look upon my own reflection in the mirror I ponder. I feel as though I am running out of time. No matter what I've been told by others that I have plenty of time to achieve all my goals, I want to feel that I'm still young enough to enjoy the fruits of my labors. When I do look at my reflection, I look past the obviousness of growing older, and to see that's what it took to be where I am today.
Looking back on my achievements I don't think I did too shabby when I started chasing my dreams six months ago. It's funny how you start down the rabbit hole only to come to the first door and it's locked, but the second door is open. When you walk in it's not at all what you expected it to be and you get carried away by a dream you thought you'd buried years ago. I never expected to become a successful model, it's something I had dreamt about almost two decades ago, and now it's a reality.
Now here I am, thirty-seven magazine publications later, and an experienced model, I'm ready for the next step.
Modeling had opened other doorways for me and prompted me to do other things. I created my first website, and it not only showcases all of my modeling pictures, it includes all the links to the magazines I've been published in. I have also included links to all the amazing photographers I've worked with, if it weren't for them I would have never made it to where I am now. Becoming a model has been one of the best things I could have ever done, I wish I could've started my newfound career ages ago, but I'm glad to be doing it now.
Now here I am, adding another step on my journey when I walked a stage modeling apparel for Harley Davidson, I'm ready to go the distance.
Self-promoting myself has really paid off, I'm steadily getting my name out there. I've yet to have any real paying gigs of yet, but I work really hard to help others in trade work. I was honored when I was asked to model promo shirts for a new friend I'd made, and even more ecstatic when I was asked to be in a B-movie horror short film. It was a very enjoyable experience, and I'd do it again in a heart-beat. Even though my job may not be rewarding on the financial standpoint, it is however on the experience, and in meeting new amazing people.
Now here I am, with my newfound confidence I went for a new goal, appearing in two different tv shows as an extra, I'm ready for my close up.
Experience isn't everything without confidence in what you're doing. I'd never been afraid of the camera, or even film, but my confidence was stirred when I applied to be in my first pinup contest. I'd really never been more nervous about something like this in my entire life. It was something I'd never really experienced before, but what made it more incredibly nerve-racking was my own fear. I grew up without ever thinking I was pretty, I wasn't popular in school ever, and here I was in a contest that was pretty close to basing it on looks. But, it wasn't just looks alone that it was formally based on. I had to have confidence, poise, grace, showmanship, and walk and talk the part of a pinup. Well, after being a pinup model for so many shoots, and public appearances as a pinup, I walked out on that stage leaving my fears behind the curtain. It was one of the most wonderful times in my life. I had never felt so much girl power in one place, and how much they all supported each other. I made friends that I don't think I could ever live without, and I was humbled by them all.
Now here I am, a sash was draped over my shoulders, the tiara placed on my head, as I looked out through my tears to the crowd in disbelief that I had really won, I'm ready for anything.
Reflection is sometimes needed when humbled by others, and even yourself. I look back to the past six months where it all began and I think about what made me want to start chasing my dreams so late in my life. I'm forty now, not old in reality, but old for my career. But why? Why is my age considered too old to be a model? I still appear youthful, I feel youthful, and yet my number still sets me apart from others half my age. I am far more appreciative of where I am now than perhaps I would have been twenty years ago. I wasn't confident, had no experience in life, and not a clue as to what I wanted to be when I grew up. How is that more appealing than seeing the look of real life in the eyes of grown woman? Yes, if through the lens innocence is what you seek then by all means find it, but if you want to see the world through the lens then look no further. I will change the course of modeling for myself. I will achieve my dream of being on the cover of magazines, I won't let that go. Destiny may be set as the journey, but I will make my own fate.
Now here I am, created column to document achievements while on my journey to fulfill my dreams, I'm ready to believe.
The past year has taught me so much, how to vanquish my fears, and have the confidence to move on. It has given me new experiences, and new achievements. I have made new friends, and been given new opportunities. I am a Jr- publisher now to an a great new magazine, and I hope to help make it the best and most unique magazine out there. I am also still writing freelance articles for other great magazines, but I hope to one day be paid per word. I will still model as much as possible, stretching my own limits to show even more diversity. I plan to audition for more tv or small movie productions, and plan to acquire a talent contract with an agency one day. Most of all I'm going to get back to my fantasy book series and finally finish my third installment. I will begin to query my first book again, and if I don't find an agent or publishing house that believes in my work I will publish it my damn self. I know in my heart that my fantasy series will achieve greatness, I just have to get it out there.
My goals for the past year will carry on to the next one, I have a feeling 2016 is going to be great for me. I'm ready for what may come, but I'm also going to go after what I want, I won't sit by and wait for it. This will be my time to shine, my time to Dream Big.