When you're down, the only way left is to go is up...
Rock bottom is not a place I ever want to be. I freak out when I get even remotely close to failure. I'm not one to throw in the towel, but sometimes life has a different direction than you plan to take.
I've had my self-esteem crushed to the point of no return. Rejection has my feathers ruffled, and when you're constantly turned down, you start to believe that you're the problem. I don't want to stir the karma pot, so I don't try to place the blame elsewhere. I own up to it, and after a period of time it takes its toll on me.
After trying so many different avenues to take, I feel as though I'm wondering around in the dark without a lantern. I feel around, reaching out in front of me, and then I'm unable to touch anything. My will is strong, but it does sometimes falter. I then go for broke, laying all the cards on the table, but you can only take so many chances before you lose everything you have.
Weeks go by, I'm beginning to feel slightly bat shit crazy. I have no idea what else to do. I've run out of options, I've used up all my resources, and I leave empty handed.
By now I'm exhausted. Depression sets in after a long mourning time. My drive to go on has been shot down in flames, and I wonder why I continue to let myself keep going. I'm so tired of left wanting. Tired of always being the last choice, instead of the first. I'm not perfect in anything I do. I don't really think anyone is really. What is perfection if not another word that can be used in bringing down confidence like a wrecking ball?
The truth is, I have nothing left to prove, and I have nothing left to give; I'm spent. I've tried so hard to improve, so hard to push myself in being the best I can be. I suppose that's as good as it's going to get.
I'm a scolded dog left out in a leaky doghouse, who's chain is too short to reach my only bone.
I constantly ask myself every question possible to find a solution to the problem. I'm no math wizard, but my numbers are not all adding up to the correct formula. Everything seems to be blowing up in my face. It's a domino effect, and I'm too small to run away before they topple down over me. I'm crushed.
I want to drag myself out from under the rubble, but I can't seem to find my strength. I'm weak.
No one can come to my rescue, I'm trapped within my own self-doubt, and plagued by my own fear. The nightmares that keep coming night after night until I can no longer sleep. I'm shrouded in darkness, with no light to guide me, and nothing to protect me.
I try to fight my way out. Pulling the courage from deep within. I'm using all I have to reach the surface. It's all I have left at the pit of my being. My fears keep dragging me down. I'm scared.
The tears won't stop flowing. The pain won't stop hurting. I'm beat up, and bruised. My will is strong.
Fighting for what you believe in, and what you dream of can be a constant battle to survive every set-back you have. Rejection hurts. Failure hurts. Giving up is forever.
Sometimes we fail ourselves. We want to quit. We want to give up. We want to let go.
Something deep down inside tells us to not give in to doubt. To not give in to quitting. To not let go. To not stop believing that you can. To keep dreaming, and to dream big.