Following your dreams can be a collection of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sometimes you really feel like your in a Clint Eastwood movie. You have good guys, not so good guys, and the bad guys, but sometimes Clint isn't around with his 44 magnum.
When you're that pale rider on that lonesome journey to your goals it can be pretty rough. You work to live, and live to work, but life isn't easy come easy go. I really wish it were. But with a hard working mans ethic of being, then the debts are paid in full at the end.
I've had a crazy week of getting punched in the face every time I try to stand on my own two feet. I keep getting up to fight back, but that right turn from Clyde keeps bringing me back down again. But you keep on fighting until someone gets tired of being concrete fodder.
Everyone has that dead end job that sucks the life force right out of you, and I am in that transition of my life where I'm ready for a change. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, and I love the creativity that I am able to portray in costume, and in the dance. But this is going nowhere. My heart is set on something bigger. I can feel it in my bones. It's that feeling deep down that you're meant for bigger, and better things.
Although change can be hard. I have undergone serious life altering changes before. And, what happens after that can be the most gratifying thing you have ever felt before. I know I have felt the weight of the world taken off of my shoulders. But, with a heavy heart I somehow cannot bring myself to let it go.
After a week of having two manuscript rejections, and my financial stability on the rocks currently, I'm so ready for some good luck by now.
Do I feel like a lucky punk? Yes I do, and I received news that I will be in not one, but two more magazine publications. That's when the tables start to turn, and you're the one winning this round.
The ecstatic high from accomplishing my goals is the most amazing feeling ever. It's like go ahead, and make my day already, no one can bring me down from this. No one. Until some high plains drifter comes around, and shoots me back down again.
"Well… Are you going to yank those pistols, or are you going to stand there, and whistle Dixie?"
I'm going to stand up for myself. Stand up to those who bully me. Stand up to those naysayers. Stand up to the haters. I will stand for what I believe in.
I'm no outlaw, but I'm am hell to go through. And if anyone believes for one minute that I'm going to let some guy walk into my life with a fistful of dollars to make me dance around like a puppet, and offer a good time for a few dollars more, he's crazy. I'm better than that. I deserve better than that.
No one can understand without walking a mile in my stilettos. No one can understand that after nearly twenty years of working hard for everything I have, that it's easy to just simply stop. I'm not a quitter. No matter how hard the struggle to survive, or chase after my goals, I always land on my feet.
So how is this any correlation to my dreams?
Everything in life is like a baseball game. Even though you start by waiting in the dug out, eventually if you're patient you come up to bat. Now you either are going to swing that bat, and hit it, or you're going to strike out. You at least have three chances to hit that ball, and you make due with the pitches that are given to you. If you're lucky you'll hit that ball, but it would've taken hard work, and practice, but you hold that elbow high, and lean into that swing. Pow!!! You knocked it out of the ballpark. Now run. If you're fast enough to beat the catcher, you can run those bases until you pass third to slide into home. You may get a little dirty, but you stand up, and brush yourself off.
That's a good feeling. The warm fuzzies of accomplishment. But sometimes there's the agony of defeat.
"When a man with a 45 meets a man with a rifle, you said the man with a pistol's a dead man. Lets see if that's true."
Sometimes you just have to play that game. Sometimes you're the mule. And sometimes they laugh at you. But that's the risk you have to take if you're ever to get an apology. Then sometimes you get to go all crazy on them.
I wish I had time to bury my fears. But I have to just let the buzzards feed on them, and let the worms have the remains.
It's harder to kill your dreams, and it's even harder to take away all that you have, and leave yourself with nothing to fall back on. That's what makes change so hard. Whether it's change of career, relationships, or even personal lifelong goals. If I had a dollar for each career change idea I'd be a million dollar baby already.
As I come to the crossroads of my life, I begin to ponder what I need to complete me. What do I need to let go of in order to continue on my journey. Which road will take me where I'm destined to go? I'm not sure as of yet, but I'm hanging on to the seat of my pants, and hope I don't fall off the ride.
Truth is you have to be the only one standing in your corner. If you give it all you got, and never give up the fight you can beat anything that crosses your path. You just have to keep your hands up, don't let life blindside you, and hit you when you least expect it to. Keep your hands up, keep your face covered, and be the one to back them into a corner. Hit them hard, and watch them fall.
You may not win every round, but if you stand up for what you believe in, stand up for your dreams, stand up for yourself, and always keep fighting. You'll never lose.
Fight for your dreams, and fight to win big...